FUNNY INTERVIEW

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture

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Invitation From Nokia to Motorola

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Indian Hell

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Read and enjoy

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion.. ....
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it be comes deaf......"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry num be r is also written...BC 1760!!!....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..

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WIFE WANTED .....

A news paper had a humour page with following matrimonials published in it.

BANKER:

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

CAR MECHANIC:

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average
and must run the household at a good average.

DOCTOR:

Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage.
I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded
and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin.
I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

DRUNKER:

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory.
I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home.
Friends come home only seven times a week.
Girl preffered will carry me from bar to ghar-bar.
Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

LAWYER:

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage.
The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl.
The girl should be strictly a girl.
The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord I.
Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

SOFTWARE ENGINEER

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features
(privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities) .

There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her.
LowBugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

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Based on a True Incident @ Bangalore Airport

Airport Security : What's your Name?


Passenger : Batman


Airport Security : Your real name please?


Passenger : My name is Bat-Man


Airport Security : Are you trying to be funny? What is your family name?


Passenger : Suparman

Airport Security handcuffs him & puts him into a locked security room

Then they checked his Passport...

.

.

.

.

.

.

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Issued in Public Interest by Ministry of Family Welfare...

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8
children... A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her
eight children are able to fit in the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of
the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at
the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!

The blind man replies:
"If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!"

Issued in Public Interest by Ministry of Family Welfare...!! !!!!!!!

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Solution to unhappy employees!!

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Murphy's laws on girls…..

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that
2. The nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!
3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...
4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be in your college."
5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
8. Theory of relativity.. ....

The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1:
Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1:
The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1:
The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys) .

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3. Have a bad hair day
11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.
12. the more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u
13. the love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you

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Software engineer and his wife!!!

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

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Server Bole To!!!

Karthik: First year was the most hectic year in my engineering academic life. On one side I was about to leave Physics and Chemistry forever and on other side I was about to join the geek world.


Scene:First year computer practical exam.

Venue:Computer Lab

Time:The worst possible time...Around 12 o’clock.




The last day of my first year exams and the biggest mountain is still not conquered - “Computer Practical”. The only thing I learned in last one year is to differentiate between a CPU and a monitor. This is the only true knowledge I have about this subject.

Let me look at the search and sort program again.

Scanf then printf….Oops…printf then scanf… # include iostream.h…#include conio.h…clrscr()

Oh...God...I wish that share folder still exists… I hope the netsend command still works.
God...Help me… main ()…curly brackets open….

Oops !! There he is, the most brilliant student of our class Janeesh K.J , the one who asked doubt to our Mechanical faculty on the first day itself. A tough question “Sir, is it possible to store data on WordStar instead of Access “.

Ghosh!!! What’s WordStar?? What’s Access??I am going to fail.

He looks too cool. Boy…5 more minutes left... C came after B…now we have C++ and VC++…C was discovered/invented (not sure) by Dennis Richie….

I can hear one of the gal asking Janeesh “What’s ANSI C ?”

Oops...I don’t know even that...Probably discovered by Ancy… so C was discovered by both Dennis and Ancy… might behusband - wife.

Here comes the lab assistant.

“Guys get in!!!”

So at last the time has come. Utmost one more supplementary. Huh!!! Karthik …you have been through these situations now and then … bravo...Come on!!!!

I entered the lab with shaking hands...legs…entire body...

Oh that’s my system!!!! It’s still vacant…my shared drives…. Ha ha ha ..great

“Hey…take this system…sit according to your rollnumber” (In came the voice of lab assistant)

What the…H*%$ is it….?

Hey even this system is far from the faculty’s desk. This is great.

“Now !! turn over the sheet of paper on your desk, you have to complete the task in 3 hours. First write down the algorithm and then start doing the program.”

So...This is it… Come on…let’s see what’s in there….

Write a program to sort N natural numbers in ascending order and then perform search operation.

(PS: Use Bubble sort and binary search).

Nice question the one I have mugged up. Take this Compy – Dompy…

#include iostream.h…#include conio.h..main()….

Its’ over and still plenty of time left. Let me see what others are doing. Oh !! God they all are gone. Was this paper that easy!!

“Karthik are you finished with the work?”

“Yes Mam”

“OK !! show me the output”

“Here it is...” ...Ctrl+F9

“Okay..that looks okay..it could have been better…you should add comments where ever possible…”…bla bla bla..and one more bla….

Oh !!! she is gone….hmmm..she will never get satisfied…anyways..It’s over…

I started going towards the door

“Karthik !!! where r u going? Come over here. You still have VIVA left.”

Huh !!! Not again !!!

“Please sit “

“Thank you “

“Okay !! Tell me..What is a computer”

‘A computer is an electronic device…….tttttrrrrrrrrrrppppppp”..

I am the best..I am the best..I am the best.. Yah I am best

“What r macros?”

‘Sorry’

Did she hear me saying I am the best…

“What r libraries”

‘Pardon’

“What are command line arguments?”

‘Don’t know’

“What are inbuilt functions?”

‘Can u please repeat the question……’

Are these questions from Computer Science!!!! Huh !!!

“Okay one last question…Show me where is the serverin our lab”

Hmmm….Server is something big…yah it’s very big….bigger than CPU and monitor…now I have to find where it is….hmmm…

not that…that’s a switch board…not even that...that’s AC….hmmmm…which one is the server…..Oopps…that’s her again…

“Hey !!! Stop revolving in your chair and tell me..Which is the server?”

Hey that looks like a server….

’There it is’.…(pointing hand towards the UPS, but the faculty thought Karthik was pointing towards the system..kept on the table )

“Good…Why didn’t you tell me earlier if you knew that? Actually no one answered it correctly...Good keep it up”

“Thank you mam..thanks a lot…”

Yahoooo…..last ball..sixer..yipeeee………………….

From then on I never looked back, within hours I became the hero of the class. People started coming to me with their doubts.

I cleared all their doubts. Even that svelte gal came and asked “What’s ANSI C ?”. Till date she thinks Richie and Ancy are husband and wife.

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Sardar ji ka Jokes!!

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .


2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.


Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.


Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.


Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass..


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.


Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.


How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... . drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!


Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

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baby hair cut!!!

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Just Laught!!!

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.



Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market..

Santa's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse
hi karunga!

Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just
tell me, will it keep me warm?


Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha


Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.

Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took
away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

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Sardari Jokes......! (Laugh Makes Life Beautiful)

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .


2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.


Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.


Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.


Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass..


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.


Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.


How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... . drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!


Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

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Click this get Smile!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Japan!!!
Who hasn‘t asked this question?

How the little arrow moves on the screen of your computer when you move the mouse.

The mystery is finally solved……

Click on the link below, move the mouse towards the centre of the screen and all will be revealed.
Swipe the mouse back and forth and stop in the centre.

http://2006. 1-click.jp/

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IT Shayries

mere... Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain Aur lonely hain... Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain...

Shayad mere pyar ko taste Karna bhool gaye... Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye..

Tumhare samne hain itney items Kabhi hame bhi pick karo... Hamare pyar ke ICON pe Kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo...

Roz subha hum karte hai Itne pyar se unhe good morning... Woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain Jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS...

Ho gayi galti humse, Click ho gaya mouse Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!

Tumse mila main kal to, Mere dil mein hua ek sound, Lekin aaj tum mili To kehti ho: Your file not found!

Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if" Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif

Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't likeyour face Par dil ke computer mein, Nahin hai enough disk space

Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab, Pehen ke evening gown Too many requests se, Ho jaata hai server down

Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application, Create main karoonga Tum usse debug karna, Wait main karoonga

Tumhaara intezaar karte karte, Main so gaya Yeh dekho mera connection, Time out ho gaya

Kya chaal hai tumhaari, Jaise chalti hai koi cat What is your ICQ number, Aao karein chat

Tum jabse meri zindagi, mein aayi ho banke female, Yaad raha na ab kuch, Na postman , Na e-Mail

Joh sadiyaon se hota aaya hai Woh repeat kar doonga... Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey Ctrl+Alt+Delete kar doonga...

Humse Kya Khata Hui Ki message Aanna Band Hai....... Aap hi humse naraz hain ya Web Server band hai.......

Badli hai duniya , kuchch mein bhi badal gaya hoon Pahle bekaar tha ab S/W Programmer ban gaya hoon

VC aaye to VB mein daal do, VC aaye to VB mein daal do seedhe seedhe sabko museebat mein daal do

Project extend ho gaya to kya ho jaata hai? Are Tankha milti hai aur timepass ho jata hai..

teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya kabhi offline to kabhi online piya

Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai Laila ghar mein aur majnoo project testing kar rahe hote hai

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Love Talking Btwn Hubby & Wife .......HA HA HA

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever


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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.


************************************************************************

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you


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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.


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Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents


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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!


************************************************************************


Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again


************************************************************************


After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

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